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SPECIAL I'll never forget the first time I saw her. It was strange, but I had been in the room for a while and hadn't even noticed her. Sitting upright and hugging the left hand corner of the couch, she wore powder blue shorts with a sprinkle of white stars, and a matching top. Both the shorts and blouse were ironed to perfection. As Larry and I sat opposite of her, I could see how tightly she held her hands together in her lap. She was definitely on the cute side, but a tad thin and a mite lanky. Even at a distance, I could see a fragile, yet sparkling smile. She possessed a splash of freckles across the bridge of her nose and wore no makeup. She had her cousin's dark hair, but the length of her hair was much shorter. Her eyes were bright and appeared to smile on their own. Foremost in my memory was how her line of vision seemed concentrated in my direction. And when we made eye contact, she struggled with it, yet held onto her smile. I soon found myself studying her features. Those deep, dark eyes revealed not only kindness, but a sincere spirit. As I noticed beforehand, there were freckles, small ones, scattered across the bridge of her nose. And thanks to the rain and ocean breeze, her hair was soaked into limp strands that hung upon her shoulders. In contrast to her dark features, her complexion was a milky white. But most obvious of all, was the fact that when I studied her, I kept running into plenty of incriminating evidence. In other words, I didn't think there were enough candles on her birthday cake. She just may have been somewhat younger than sixteen or seventeen as Carrie had claimed. "Do you mind if I ask you something?" A touch of panic swept through her eyes. Although she probably sensed trouble, she nodded her head anyway. "Just out of curiosity, I was wondering about your age." Jill's body posture went rigid. Since I'd previously asked Carrie about her age, I'm certain that her cousin had already given her the lowdown on the matter. Naturally, Jill didn't want to answer, but now that I asked, the girl that I'd someday come to love, would never tell a lie.
The month of August flew by and Jill's return to Utah became imminent. We had our share of ups and downs, but for the most part, I think she had a pretty nice summer. Although I was still grappling with the trials and tribulations of my life, I look back on that time with a deep affection. I felt her arms go around my waist and she pressed herself into me. In return, I raised my arms and placed them around her. Jill held onto me in prolonged silence. She rested her head upon my cheek and I felt her trembling in my arms. After my surprise wore off, our embrace felt awkward and I sighed and patted her on a shoulder. But after awhile, something changed. It was a most disheartening realization, but being in her arms just then, felt so incredibly secure. That's when my panic kicked in. I didn't know what to think or what to feel, so I just kept repeating to myself, I'm not going to get involved this time. No way do I want another long distance relationship! Suddenly, I heard my name being called out. The voice sounded both feminine and musical. Eddie stomped on the brakes and even at that speed, my head almost collided into the windshield. Grumbling, I tried to see who this person was, but my brother was in the way. He flung the car into reverse, stopped and then turned toward me. With his eyes the size of ping pong balls, he croaked, "Wow, what a fox!" As Jill came into view, my heart launched into my throat. Time came to a halt, and for the next few minutes, everything progressed in a slow, crystallized fashion. My jaw dropped and the gum I'd been chewing on fell out. I discovered it six months later, struck to the carpet beneath the passenger's seat.
I felt my jaw drop and couldn't believe my ears. I thought she was probably joking, but there wasn't a sign of levity from her. I glanced to Carrie and then back to Jill. "What did you say?" Carrie chuckled and waved a hand. "Oh, don't let that bother you! That's why I split from the Mormons. All that predicting nonsense! It's all so vague, you can't take any of it seriously." I leaned forward. "What are you guys talking about?" "Well, if I do die young, I hope it's in a car accident. Something fast." Jill's giggling turned to laughter. There's no way to express how rewarding it was to be standing there, feeling his lovely, young woman quiver with laughter. And knowing I was the one who caused it gave me a sense of accomplishment I had never known. Then holding me closer still, she showered me with kisses. Isn't it strange how we can measure the miles around the equator, or the miles to the moon, but we can't measure something so simple as the pleasure of being kissed by the one we love? I dreamed I was on the telephone with someone from Jill's family, either her mom or her cousin, Marilyn. I was sitting on the edge of my bed and what the voice on the other end of the line was telling me, turned my heart to stone. Whoever it was, said in a most clear manner, "Jill was killed last night...She died in a car accident." Waking up, I jumped out of bed. I was disoriented, completely unhinged. My throat was dried out, and my heart was on overload. But the worst of it was deep inside my chest; there was this devastating pain. The dream was just too real, so I decided to take action. I glanced at the alarm clock, and it was nearly six A.M. Praying I snatched up the phone. "Please, God," I whispered while dialing, "please, let her be all right."
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Wrestling with her courage, she swallowed and answered, "I'll be sixteen...sixteen in October."
Jill shook her head and uttered, "Well, only if I live long enough..."